walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
