i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
