did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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