Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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