just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
