I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I didn't notice because vodka
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
