I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
