I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
