ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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