For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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