it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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