Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize