a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
