this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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