Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
