he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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