I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
