After last night, I could never be a politician.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Dignity is for republicans.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
