i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
