I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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