It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
