I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
