You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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