There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
