Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize