Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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