So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You did what with his pubic hair?
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