Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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