as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
