For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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