woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize