I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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