A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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