elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
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