Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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