"it" just moved
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
