Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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