apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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