Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
