I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
