Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
