they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
