i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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