pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
