the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
