I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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