You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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