Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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