apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
