I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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