Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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