Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
