so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Threesome in a minivan. New low
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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