loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize