Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
