it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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