just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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