Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
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