I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
