i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
