Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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