true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
