dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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