Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
