Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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