I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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