You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
