Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
