Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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