this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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