i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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