So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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