I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
