You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
foreskin is a definite game changer
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize