Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm always down for nudity.
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