12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
