So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
