Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
