I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
