Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
