If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
