When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize