We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
