meet me or not, i'm out of control
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
