just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
